Blended Family is an Oxymoron

 

Blend:

1:To mix especially : to combine or associate so that the separate constituents or the line of demarcation cannot be distinguished

2: to prepare by thoroughly intermingling different varieties or grades

As an intrinsive verb:

1 a: to mingle intimately or unobtrusively b: to combine into an integrated whole

2: to produce a harmonious effect

Family:

1. a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head

2. a group of persons of common ancestry

3. a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock

In 1975, some evil masterminds, probably a group-NO! A family of psychiatrists, psychologists and LISW’s had a brilliant idea. In order to maintain job security, they published the original definition of “Blended Family” in the dictionary.

Blended Family: A family that includes children of a previous marriage of one spouse or both.

Oxymoron: A combination of contradictory or incongruous words.

The term “blended family” is therefore an oxymoron. And here’s proof:

1. There’s NO blending of two families. No mixing constituents. There will ALWAYS be a line of demarcation. It’s kind of like vinegar and oil: mix it long and hard enough, you’ll get a vinegrette. But, you’ll always see the ingredients which will eventually separate to their sides of the bottle. Harmonious effect? Harmonious? HARMONY?!

2. Nobody’s related by a common ancestry. Well, not unless it’s just ickky.

3. There’s NEVER “one head”. Well, there’s one head: each. On two separate people: the heads of each households living under the same roof. Anybody who says otherwise is either lying through their teeth, living in denial or plain old delusional. During the first year of wedded bliss, it’s usually the latter two. After that, it’s a boldfaced lie.

Here’s a few Blended Family definitions:

1. Hard work that will send the lighthearted into divorce court quicker than the kid can say, “You’re NOT my MOM!”

2. Acceptance of those things that will never change. Such as the way those other parents (oh, yes-PLURAL) parent.

3. Coming to the harsh reality that your (perfectly wonderful) spouse was the other half of his/her idiot ex-wife/husband long enough to copulate, gestate, birth and claim children on their tax return.

4. The never ending explanation of why “his/her” kids get to do/get/have something and yours don’t/won’t/never will have.

5. Spending many years racking your brain for memories of, WHY you thought this was a GOOD idea.

I’m a step mother. It ain’t pretty. It ain’t fun. It ain’t Brady.

BUT, it’s working…