NaNoWriMo.
Up until November 1, 2007 at 12:01AM, I was excited and looking forward to participating in this years NaNo challenge. Since registering in October, I anticipated the moment I’d begin writing my epic(ish) novel(ish)!
Then, Wednesday, it happened. The doorbell to my brain rang, and stupid me, I answered it.
He was there. Looming over me. The dark, foreboding giant that had followed me throughout my life. He came in different shapes and sizes: my mother, teachers, my ex and others. I thought I’d lost him. Silly me.
His beady eyes locked with mine and his meaty claws wrapped themselves around my mind.
“You can’t do this. Really, why are you trying something so far over your head? What will people think when you fail? You’ll never make 50,000 words. You’re going to make a fool out of yourself. Quit, now, before you prove to the world you’re a failure.”
Let me tell you, he almost had me. I was ready to drop everything. I almost wrote my NaNo writing partner, Dixie, to tell her to drop me from the buddy list. That I just wasn’t going to be able to do it this year. Maybe next time around…Maybe next year…then, I’ll know what I’m doing-or you’ll have forgotten me, and it won’t matter. Then, I was going to close down my blog. I’m not a writer. I’m not a wordee. I use a thesaurus, for crying out loud! And a dictionary! Like, when Dixie wrote “verboten”-oh, hellllo?! Websters, thank you very much.
I don’t do anything very well-except birth, but, that’s been over for a looooong time.
On the evening of November 1st, I was in my van, running around like a crazy woman and suddenly a scripture came to mind: “And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?” (1Sam 17:26)
I am facing my own personal Goliath. That dirty, rotten scoundrel of an uncircumcised…well, you know…
That night at 11PM, and my mushy brain and I were struggling to form a complete sentence let alone one that made sense! And, plunk, plunk, plunk…
As of November 2, 2007:
2,144 words down. 47,856 words to go.
Thank you for reminding me why I turned on my computer in the first place–to write today’s installment of my NaNoWriMo opus. I am glad that you managed to fight your fear of failure!
If you want another writing buddy, I am on NaNoWriMo as Zaira_Mitchell.
Also, thank you for the first entry of yours that I saw tonight through my TagSurfing, on your definition of a blended family. I am a graduate student, with one of my classes being American English Grammar, and I loved the break-down of the meaning of the word and what it means to those actually living the reality of a blended family.
And now I remember what I have to work on after my NaNo writing . . . more homework. At least what I learn in my classes goes to helping with my passion for writing and films, so it is time well spent.
Good luck with your quest to 50,000! You’ll make it–don’t worry! Just keep up the strength that helps you deal with any step-mothering issues, and that strength will see you through this relatively short struggle . . .
[...] particular NaNoWriMo entry detailed the woman’s struggle with her fear of failure, and I loved her artistic rendering of [...]
Thank you for the vote of confidence and kind words.
I’ve been fighting for every word and trying so hard NOT to edit as I go! As long as I get words on the board, I’m happy!